2013
Has started off with a bang.... The summer is flying by as I sit on my deck chair- stolen at New Years; looking our across Auckland my mind full and head pounding. The black coffee is helping- kinda.
Yesterday my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me but as we are living together I woke up next to him this morning.
I'm feeling hurt and used as the reasons for the break up still bewilder me.
And the fact that I have been awake since September and high since July make living now in this comedown state extremely difficult.
Reminiscing about what I had for myself in December - a whole stack load of cash, drugs of all kinda and lots of them and now I have nothing.
The drugs are gone, I have no money (I have weekly money that comes in every week) no friends and now no boyfriend. How did this happen?!
Yes I have had fun - at the start when all was happy. But New Years holiday changed all of that. Our first real fight and the downfall of everything happy.
I've been yelled at, names such as slut, crack whore, useless and many more been yelled, my life threatened, my safety feared, my house has been destroyed and things broken- and all by the same person, the person who says he loves me.
I've never cried but laughed so much, never been emotionally and mentally abused and drained by one person yet made to feel so loved.
I've never hated myself so much as what I do now and the one thing that I started using to help is no longer here cos my "boyfriend" insisted on finishing it off.
My family have all disowned me, I have no non drug friends in my life, no job, no money..... so I'm not sure what happens next.
Happy new year - 2013 is fucked already.
Has started off with a bang.... The summer is flying by as I sit on my deck chair- stolen at New Years; looking our across Auckland my mind full and head pounding. The black coffee is helping- kinda.
Yesterday my boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me but as we are living together I woke up next to him this morning.
I'm feeling hurt and used as the reasons for the break up still bewilder me.
And the fact that I have been awake since September and high since July make living now in this comedown state extremely difficult.
Reminiscing about what I had for myself in December - a whole stack load of cash, drugs of all kinda and lots of them and now I have nothing.
The drugs are gone, I have no money (I have weekly money that comes in every week) no friends and now no boyfriend. How did this happen?!
Yes I have had fun - at the start when all was happy. But New Years holiday changed all of that. Our first real fight and the downfall of everything happy.
I've been yelled at, names such as slut, crack whore, useless and many more been yelled, my life threatened, my safety feared, my house has been destroyed and things broken- and all by the same person, the person who says he loves me.
I've never cried but laughed so much, never been emotionally and mentally abused and drained by one person yet made to feel so loved.
I've never hated myself so much as what I do now and the one thing that I started using to help is no longer here cos my "boyfriend" insisted on finishing it off.
My family have all disowned me, I have no non drug friends in my life, no job, no money..... so I'm not sure what happens next.
Happy new year - 2013 is fucked already.
