October Update

Here is the latest on IT ALL.....

I am still on part time at work for this week as i went back to the dr last thursday and my weight had dropped to "critical"  my blood pressure, sugar, calcium and phosphate were too low or something.... This is week 3 of part time hours so the bank account has taken a huge hit and i've had to cancel the trip to brisbane in Dec. I am now doing the Sat to Mon with mum and brad is the same.... sucks but i guess it's just the way it has to be. no one else to blame but myself. :(

i am going to call the doc tomorro though as I have gained weight (2 whole kgs) m back to 45kgs (99lbs)> BMI 15.57.....  hopefully will be ok for me to go back to work full time! Part time is fine but i cannot live off it! :/

It's hard - i constantly feel so fat and horrible but i need to be ok to work!!

mum organised a meeting with this specalist guy last week - it was me, her, dad and this dr and i had a chat to him for 1/2 hour without the parents there and then he explained stuff to them so they could understand more.I think they found it quite useful which was good.
I guess they (and me and everyone else) is over all of this and can't see why i'm not getting better.....

Mum's brother passed away yesterday - Uncle Gary .... so that is a huge shock to everyone (especially nana) as he was relatively healthy (compared to the other brother who is the dying of emphysema)
The funeral is on Friday which is going to be so hard. He is the first of the brothers to pass and mum was very close to him.


Work has been stressful - i'm not supposed to say anything but there has been a case of identity fraud - and it was one of my candidates who i registered way back in May and she has been working ever since for a credit card company, creating credit cards for fake people. I had an hour long call with a solicitor from the legal team of Manpower in Sydney today which was hard work. She was creating a timeline of events and gathering information for a case. I feel totally responsible as i had no idea, but aparantly she has been doing this for years and even her 2 previous employers had no idea. Still is shitty. And really bad timing. My boss has been really good and i've broken down severall times at work because of it - she is very patient and continues to remind me i AM doing a good job and this was NOT my fault and nohting i could have done would have prevented this.
Alll we can do now is wait for the client to decide what to do next, wether they want to try and get some of their money back that they lost (to her wages mainly) or what :s
They have been very supportive the last few weeks and i think i have been very lucky to still have a job.

Have cut right back on the drugs and although have had some massive nights out .... i am limiting myself to (mainly) Thurs and Friday's (i then crash out early on sat which stops me going out haha)  I have limited what and how much i'm doing .... I am quite happy to be around people and not have any which feels pretty good :)
Although in saying that, i still quite like going to work high as a kite LOL

I have a meeting next Tuesday (23rd) with REDS (regional eating disorder service) for an assessment with the doctor there. It's with the same dr i seen in April of last year who told my psychologist at the time that the ed was caused by the BPD and if we continued with the DBT therapy and worked on the BPD issue the ED would improve ..... how wrong was  he.

I no longer see trish (psych) or go to DBT group ... which is weird. but hopefully after next tuesday there will be a plan in place and if not then there is always the specalist guy that i met last week.(not that i realy liked him)
I said to mum that i appreciated her doing that but she can't spring things like that on me. I am 25 now and i am trying to help myself and be independent and get well on my own without my mummy or daddy swooping in and trying to fix things. I love them both but they cannot fix me (as much as i wish and they wish they could)


dad's been really good too - at first he just didn't understand it and turned up and my house one morning and almost literally thought he was going to attempt to drag me out of the house to put food in me (thank god he didn't) he has paid for me to have another Reiki session tomorro arvo with his friend. it's very weird but balances the chakra's which i hope helps :)

I have an appointment at Greenlane hospital tomorro afternoon - i am having a colposcopy again as my last smear was abnormal again (same as last year) :s I am nervous about that too.....

Everything seems to fall apart all at the same time !!
" when it rains, it pours"