So tonight my sister asked what i am worried about - and i said that im worried about wearing a bikini at the beach in spain cos i havent worn one in a few years. So then her response was - well buy a tankini (one of those long swimming tops) or a fully covered bathing suit.
So now im thinking I should go and buy one cos I obviously need to wear it ... i obviously need to cover up my stomach.
if not why would she suggest i go and BUY something to cover myself up with??!!
So now i jus feel huge - kinda like a beached whale :'(
I also purged again tonight.
I felt like i ate so much and had to get rid of it.
I ran the shower and purged ... i dont know if the guys in the lounge can hear me...
So then i got in the shower and purged again.. i kinda didnt mean to but it jus came out... I really hate it when i blow my nose then i have to vomit again cos the food is coming out my nose!
Sorry prob too much information! But it makes me gag so bad and i end up spewing more!
So after about 5 mins of that. i tried to stop but coughing up shit for ages! And now my throat is burning and my head is throbbing.
No dinner for me this week! Id rather not eat than do that again!
I worked all day today - waitressing for 8 hours, so hopefully burnt some calories, although i was a fat bitch and had a s/w an apple and an OJ AND wait for it... some kit kat chocolate... i dont know what i was thinking! I am disgusted im myself. I have let myself down!
I am such a huge failure. All i wanna be is thin and happy, and pretty and one of those girls that people like, and wanna hang out with.. but NO i am a fat lonley cow!
Im so ashamed of myself.
I need to weigh myself tomoro to confirm my fatness! :(
Spain and me in a bikini - ha yeah right .... i obviously am too fat for a bikini!!
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