I cut

I think the tittle explains it all really...

been doing so well - food wise - then tonight i weent out for dinner and had chinese... felt full and disgusting then distracted myself with alcohol! then got home and realised how fat and disgusting i truly am. so got in the shower cut myself on my leg... havent done it for a while... did a few small cuts and it hurt but then reminded myself how disguting i am for letting myself eat all that horrible food and cut myself, slow and deep and it didnt even hurt.. felt good. Felt like i wash washing away my horrible thoughts. As all the blood hit the water and washed away i relaxed in the shower and watched my disgusting self disappear down the drain pipe!
Well i wish it was me... unfortunatley i snapped back to reality and realised i had been in the shower for too long... so turned it off and sat in the bath - no water running and cut some more..

I was angry and it came easy, the more i thought about how disgusting i am, the less it hurt

Does that make me a bad person!

I didnt know what else to do!
I try not to cut and havent done it for months, but i just got so desperate!

Im so lost