That is the question i am playing over and over in my head.
I am trying to decide whether i can fight this feeling off or whether one small little cut will be OK.
Why do i want to cut?! I want to feel something different. I want it to feel good when right now I feel like such a loser. at home on a sat night cos no one wants to hang out with me. I am too much hard work, i am too not normal for everyone.
They all go out drinking and dancing and having fun but I can't do that cos i have panic attacks and freak out - i don't kiss boys cos i am terrified they will rape me.
I want to cut cos cutting is something that makes me feel normal, in a weird sort of way. It makes me feel better about myself
My psych is trying to help me figure out why i cut. and I struggle to find words why I do it - i just do it cos i always have
when i feel low or worthless or horrible about myself I cut. Why not?!
I am now trying to decide if i should or not, which is VERY not like me - I am sitting in bed thinking of the DBT stuff I am slowly learning in therapy - the mindfulness, the distractions. But I keep thinking how good it would feel to run the blade across or down my wrist- just one small cut it will all be OK.
I haven't been drinking so I will be able to stop myself, I will feel the pain and it will be OK. I will stop.
I have my little box of "tricks" next to me all ready to go.
maybe I will try and distract myself - well technically I already am - facebook/blogging is one of my distractions - does it count if I am blogging about my WANT/NEED to self harm?! cos i don't know if that's the most appropriate thing to be blogging about to distract myself!! LMFAO
Hmmmm what else can i do?!
Shower - it's too late and I'm in bed
TV - nothing is on
Movie on laptop - can't concentrate cos my thoughts are racing
It's like I want this thought to pass right now before I act on it but at the same time I want to act on it?!?!?!?
Being sober SUCKS - at least if i was drinking I would have done it by now and be done with it :s
I am trying to decide whether i can fight this feeling off or whether one small little cut will be OK.
Why do i want to cut?! I want to feel something different. I want it to feel good when right now I feel like such a loser. at home on a sat night cos no one wants to hang out with me. I am too much hard work, i am too not normal for everyone.
They all go out drinking and dancing and having fun but I can't do that cos i have panic attacks and freak out - i don't kiss boys cos i am terrified they will rape me.
I want to cut cos cutting is something that makes me feel normal, in a weird sort of way. It makes me feel better about myself
My psych is trying to help me figure out why i cut. and I struggle to find words why I do it - i just do it cos i always have
when i feel low or worthless or horrible about myself I cut. Why not?!
I am now trying to decide if i should or not, which is VERY not like me - I am sitting in bed thinking of the DBT stuff I am slowly learning in therapy - the mindfulness, the distractions. But I keep thinking how good it would feel to run the blade across or down my wrist- just one small cut it will all be OK.
I haven't been drinking so I will be able to stop myself, I will feel the pain and it will be OK. I will stop.
I have my little box of "tricks" next to me all ready to go.
maybe I will try and distract myself - well technically I already am - facebook/blogging is one of my distractions - does it count if I am blogging about my WANT/NEED to self harm?! cos i don't know if that's the most appropriate thing to be blogging about to distract myself!! LMFAO
Hmmmm what else can i do?!
Shower - it's too late and I'm in bed
TV - nothing is on
Movie on laptop - can't concentrate cos my thoughts are racing
It's like I want this thought to pass right now before I act on it but at the same time I want to act on it?!?!?!?
Being sober SUCKS - at least if i was drinking I would have done it by now and be done with it :s
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