More Tears

So since xmas i have been a roller coaster of emotions. Boxing day my sister seen my plaster on my wrist and asked what happened and i said nothing - she couldnt ask anymore cos we were around everyone. But the next day when we were alone she asked what really happened and wouldnt believe me when i said it was nothinng.
I dont know why i cut my wrist when i have always cut my legs!!
So we had a chat bout things and she said she really wants me to go and see someone and said that whenever i feel like that to tell her, no matter when or whatever.
She said she wont force me to go and see someone but doesnt wanna see me like this anymore.

To be honest. I dont wanna be like this anymore either.

So New Years - went away to Scotland with friends from London. I have never felt so alone before in my life. I spent the last night in bed cos i was over being surrounded by happy drunk people. When all i feel when i get drunk is suicidal!!