Things so far

Alot has happened in the last few weeks.

I went and spoke to the doctor on Friday and told her everything.
I was so scared. Kelly met me there and when i said i wanted to go home and couldnt do this, instead of saying OK like my mum would have. She said you can do it.

So i told the doctor evrything. The rape the ED and the self harm. She said that i am coping really well for someone who has goe thru this, the thing is i didnt think i was coping very well. But after thinking about it. I guess i am. But i dont have much choice really.

So she has referred me for counselling but its thu the mental health group and could take up to 2 months before i can speak to someone.

So thats the first step done.

also found out my bones are quite bad. close to a 50 year olds bones. :(

I sorta feel good that ive done it. But im worried about the cost of counselling and what its gonna do to me.

I cut myself again last friday. I was drunk and had been out with Rachel (who is tiny, and i felt so digusting next to her) I dont know why i enjoy cutting myself. It jus comforting to know that if i need to i can inflict external pain on myself. Its a nice distraction from the internal pain.