depressed and lonley

So Friday was my birthday - had a shitty day.
didnt get to speak to my mum for long, didnt get to even see my god daughter as planned. then my best mate didn call and when i was chatting to her on skype and told her how upset i was she just said oh ok and went off line and then i didnt hear from her again!
I ended up spending most of the day cryin so then when i went for drinks after work i jus got so drunk. A lady from work - who i kinda looked up to cos she is so happy and funny and gorgeous confessed to me how much she hates herself and she is so depressed. so that was kinda ruined my nice little idea that there are normal people out there!
Got home bout half 1 and cut myself - which i havent done for so long but i was so drunk and ihad such a shitty day and none of my friends in london came out and i hated my birthday so the cutting felt good.
Then saturday i went out again in brighton and no one came for the pre drinks. my sisters did come out but didnt like the bar so went pretty soon after.
I got smashed again on sat night and got home bout 3am - had drank so much and did a shit load of cocaine
Then this morning i feel like shit! I am still at my sisters and i jus feel useless like im in the way and no one wants me around. I jus wanna cry.
I dunno whats wrong with me. why do i hate beiing so lonley. why do i have to be so selfish and expect so much from people.

had a big purge today. hadnt eaten much but purged anyway!

WHY am i such a LOSER