Saturday i stayed at my sisters and i ate a full dinner... paella and i didnt purge - even though i desperatley wanted too!
Then later i stood on the scales and panicked - it was 53kgs! The highest it has been in a very long time...
What am i doing??? Why am i letting myself get fat?
I ended up having a full blown panic attack - my sis came upstairs and tried to calm me down... trying to remind me that i am being healthy and looking good!
It doesnt work... if i am healthy and look good then why do i hate myself so bad!!
Why do i feel so disgusting and fat and ugly!
I have decided i need to start exercising - i have the xmas party to think about for work... do i wanna be remembered as the fat one who pigs out on all the food.... NO.. i will be thin and beautiful!
Now i jus need to stay motivated!!
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