Tuesday

So today i got a mail from my best mate cos she has been reading up on anorexia and is really worried -!! Oh please!! Really Now?
I told her first when we were in Sydney back in Jan 2008 that i hated my body and had been losing weight and that it made me feel better!
And then when we were out one night in town -around May for our other mates bday - we all went out for dinner and i didnt eat anything - was a share type meal so was easy not be spotted not eating (pushing my food around, cutting it up and talking lots)
and i told her then, i hadnt eaten anything but fruit for almost 2 weeks... not once then was she worried.
Not when i told her, i was down to 45kgs - and feeling so strange about wearing kids clothes and ftting into size 0 dresses!!
She never said much when i told her i had been to the doc and was diagnosed with an eating disorder -but now? Why now?
Now that im fat and eating ok she starts worrying? SeriouslY? its pushing me back into it
I now want her to worry and now that she is noticing i feel like i have to lose weight so she will comment - is that a twisted thought?!

I was on the tube tonight and there were a couple of gorgeous girls (like stunners!!) and one really really really FAT girl, like i mean couldnt fit in a seat big, and then there is me...
Im not pretty, im i guess average if that
Im not obese (im fat but not that fat am i?)
Im not super brainy or really good at a sport
I dont play an instrument, dont have a bf to be all loved up with
Im not a clubber or dancer or singer
I am an anorexic that is my label - i am letting myself down by eating and gaining weight -
I want to have something again, i dont want to be a nobody or not have something that i am good at too - i will be good at this!! I will be - if it kills me!!