It's a funny feeling to have, that impostor in your head sort of feeling. It's like you want to shake your head to empty it out but you can't cos you realize that is the problem. You already feel so empty you are so desperate to fill it with something so although the impostor feels like an alien it also feels so right and so normal in a crazy sort of way.
I feel empty. I feel like I am missing some important ingredient in my life, there is something that I have been missing for a while and I don't really know what it is. Yet there is so much going on in my head but I cannot put any of it into words. I don't really know how to describe anything. I don't know what it is or where it came from or what you can do to help or how to banish it. It is just IT
How do you know what a feeling is? How do you decide that the feeling you are having at that very moment is in fact that feeling - how do you know that that feeling is sadness or anger. I mean aside from the fuming. blood rising, hair pulling anger feeling how would know.
What is the feeling when your chest is tight and you feel like you are sinking? The feeling like you are drowning cos there is too much air and too much open space in your head. The feeling like although you are drowning in nothingness you are also floating in life. Floating along moving from one minute to the next to the next hour to the next day and then you decide this isn't worth anything and that's it.
It's like an impulse I get, to hurt myself. I don't really want to do it but the impostor inside me tells me to do it and do it quick and I don't NOT listen to it - don't ask me why. I want to hurt myself, cos that's what i NEED to do, want to do, have to do to keep the impostor at bay or quiet; I'm not really sure.
I don't really want to die. I don't think.
I don't really know what I want. It's a feeling like I SHOULD die. Like I need to do it.
But I don't really want to do it, cos I am scared of missing out, I am scared of being that disappointment to everyone but then I already feel like the disappointment so wouldn't death be an escape from that feeling???
I'm not going to kill myself. I won't try again unless I really have to and right now I don't think I do.
I need to make a plan to get myself out of this hole. Cos this hole is becoming a tunnel and I can barely see the light!!!
I feel empty. I feel like I am missing some important ingredient in my life, there is something that I have been missing for a while and I don't really know what it is. Yet there is so much going on in my head but I cannot put any of it into words. I don't really know how to describe anything. I don't know what it is or where it came from or what you can do to help or how to banish it. It is just IT
How do you know what a feeling is? How do you decide that the feeling you are having at that very moment is in fact that feeling - how do you know that that feeling is sadness or anger. I mean aside from the fuming. blood rising, hair pulling anger feeling how would know.
What is the feeling when your chest is tight and you feel like you are sinking? The feeling like you are drowning cos there is too much air and too much open space in your head. The feeling like although you are drowning in nothingness you are also floating in life. Floating along moving from one minute to the next to the next hour to the next day and then you decide this isn't worth anything and that's it.
It's like an impulse I get, to hurt myself. I don't really want to do it but the impostor inside me tells me to do it and do it quick and I don't NOT listen to it - don't ask me why. I want to hurt myself, cos that's what i NEED to do, want to do, have to do to keep the impostor at bay or quiet; I'm not really sure.
I don't really want to die. I don't think.
I don't really know what I want. It's a feeling like I SHOULD die. Like I need to do it.
But I don't really want to do it, cos I am scared of missing out, I am scared of being that disappointment to everyone but then I already feel like the disappointment so wouldn't death be an escape from that feeling???
I'm not going to kill myself. I won't try again unless I really have to and right now I don't think I do.
I need to make a plan to get myself out of this hole. Cos this hole is becoming a tunnel and I can barely see the light!!!
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