I don't feel ill enough, thin enough to have an eating disorder. I know I hate myself and feel fat and disgusting, guilty when I eat anything but my "safe" foods and have my rules, routines around food.
Yes I'm scared of eating potatoes, pasta and bread out of fear of gaining weight dramatically.
I haven't eaten potatoes or pasta for years though is that not normal?
Don't most girls struggle with body image? Does everyone lie in bed thinking and rethinking their day food intake versus their exercise expenditure?
Do all girls cringe when they see their body naked and pinch and pull at their fat in the mirror?
is food the first thing on people's mind in the morning and the last thing the think about as they drift off to sleep?
The thing they dream about?
The thing they spend their days thinking about?
Food, weight, exercise, self worth, perfection, control.
I am lucky I go to work and my mind can take a rest from coming up with meal plans to lose weight, exercises to burn calories and attempt to focus on work. Without work I think I would be consumed by this darkness, maybe that's why I dislike weekends... I Wander into the kitchen terrified of what to go next then go back to my room. It's never ending.
I don't count calories, I stopped doing that- in the past few weeks I haven't eaten anything but apples (70 cals each) I don't need to count calories I know exactly what's in ally foods in my cupboard and fridge.
But I eat chocolate I can't be anorexic. I feel so guilty sometimes that I do purge - not often though.
I like apples and light soy milk, veggies and rice crackers, that's just being healthy though isn't it?
Where is the line drawn? How do they decide that she has an eating disorder- all those doctors who "assess" can they see inside the brain and the thoughts inside.
I wish they could then maybe they could extract them and replace them with positive body vibes
Is this a normal 24 year olds mind? Who decides?
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