So fricken Fat!

To be honest I know that i should be getting better and get healthy but all i really want to do is starve and be thin. I wanna eat salads all day and go for runs and feed the voice in my head. Cos as much as i dont want to believe her. I also do want to believe her.
I know i dont look thin - or sick and i really want to be thin. Not sick but thin!

Kelly wont let me not eat. She will only make me feel guilty.

When i move to London I can eat what i want when i want and not have anyone watching me.

I think the counselling isnt going to help. How does talking about how useless and disgusting I am change anything!?!