Please dont leave me!!

So was chatting to my sis about stuff again this arvo and she said that
"yr friends & family who can cope will always be there & the ones that cant may not & u will just have to accept that just like we have to accept u whether u r hurting yrself or not"

and i guess she is right. But i really dont want to lose my cousin - she is my best friend - and i know when i am finally ready to deal with all my demons i will need her support. of all people i need her!!
I've facebooked her to say im sorry and what not. so hopefully she will try and understand and maybe accept that right now im not well but im not ready to get better.

Kelly also said - i hope its worth it -

And i cried for nearly an hour, thinking is it worth it? how many friends am i gonna lose in my battle to be thin! As i get further trapped in this illness i am becoming more and more comfortable with it and i cant imagine myself with out it.

All i think about is food and how to lose weight and what i will look like thin. how many calories in that? how much fat ? how much exercise will i need to do to burn that off!!
Its tiring!!

I really hope i dont lose too many friends, but i have to understand that they cant watch me hurt myself - even tho im not doing this on purpose any more. i jus cant stop!!