creating a blog

so today i decided i would create a blog, i need somewhere to vent, to share my feelings, my struggles, my dreams, my goals and my happiness.
Background:
Feb 24th 2007 I was raped by my best mates, bf's, friend after a 21st party. I lost my best friend, as she didnt know how to deal or help. I fell apart. My mum forced me into counselling which failed... i spent 2 weeks drinking, then turned to drugs... overdosed, then began cutting myself.... a few months later, i moved home and realised all the above actions were not helping me feel anymore in control of my life.. so began controlling my food. This helped... I exercised daily, and ate barely anything, until i was eating nothing at all. I created a fake bebo to find more inspiration to starve. Which i did. In Sep of 07 i woke up and realised i was not helping myself.. I began to eat again.. not alot but some... In dec 07 it was too late, i had failed, i was back to over exercising and restricing my food, it was the only way i would feel good about myself....

I spent the summer avoiding food, and focusing on losing weight.. By May of 2008 i weighed 42kgs.. 15 kgs lighter than before i was raped. I was passing out daily and didnt go out with friends. I was falling apart. So i went to stay with a friend, she has 2 little girls who i adore so much and that made me realise i have something to live for. So again i began eating.. It was not easy but i tried.

And here i am now... October 2008, i weigh 47kgs... and i cant eat a full meal without the feelings of guilt and disgust. I have made this blog to hopefully help me in my recovery... which i have finally realised is what i want to do .

I am ready to deal with rape and fight the voice in my head which is now in control.