Today

I havent read the self help books yet, haven't even started. Kelly going to read them first, she wants to so she understands more or something.

Tonight i was trying on clothes trying to sort out my halloween costume for halloween party on Friday night. My first outfit was a semi long (over my ass) silky style t-shirt over top of my leggings. I felt ok in it. I thought it was sexy but not too revealing.
The second outfit was a stripy cotton singlet not as fitting as the other top and cos it was more flowy looked longer, even tho it wasnt. And still over my leggings.
I was undecided, leaning towards the first outfit cos i thought it was more cat like and i thought the stripey one made me look larger than i am.

My sister wanted to give her honest opinion. Which was that she liked the second outfit better cos the first one made me look too thin, like sickly thin.

I know im not fat but i didn't think i looked sickly thin. I have put on 2kgs.. now 49kgs how can i look sickly thin. I feel so disgusting now. It's hard to hear that you look sickly thin. I feel so horrible now. Like i've been trying so hard to recover but i still look disgusting.

I don't think she realised how bad it has made me feel about myself. How i thought i was looking ok and happy with the way i looked in my outfit but after her saying that i just feel worth less and disgusting.