Why

Why do i want to be miserable??
Why cant i be happy??

I went out to my mates place today for lunch. They were having this big family lunch thing.
everything was going well... i ate some food and doing ok... but started thinking bout my family and how close these guys all are and how i miss my family...

I ended up making an excuse to go home cos i felt so crap... I jus wanna be with my mum and friends. Why didnt i go away with my sister... im really regreting staying home. It was nice having scott down but now i am alone and i hate it. Im sitting here drinking cider to try and make me feel better - even tho i know i will only feel worse.

Why is that when i drink i always have the urge to step out into traffic or hang myself or something silly. Its not that i want to do it... its that i get the urge to do it like its my only choice.

i dunno

I jus wanna be happy!