So Saturday night I spent about an hour and a half sitting on my bed in my bra and shorts bawling my eyes out cos I couldnt find anything to wear out, cos alot of my favourite clothes dont fit me any more. They are all getting to be too small.
I hate being this weight - i really do
I keep trying to focus on the positive and think I will be healthy for my travels around Europe etc but then I hate my body, my weight, myself so much - how can i possibly have fun and enjoy myself when i am hating myself so much.
I can only pretend and block out these feelings for so long and then i just end up breaking down completley!!
something has to change!! I have to be better. the only i can feel good about myself is if i lose some weight!
12 weeks until i leave!
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Try not to block out the feelings because blocking them out is only building the feelings up and they will come out, and you know the feeling don't go away no matter how much you block them out. Try talking about them to your friend that helped you that night? She sounds pretty understanding? And you know I'm always here too.
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