I AM LOST

I was scared of getting my period and what that meant and the cutting helped to distract my thoughts and stopped me panicking about my weight and feel so worthless and fat. It gave me something new to distract myself with.

Getting my period is supposed to be a positive? REALLY?
I cannot see the positive, I don't want to be a woman, woman get hurt, woman get raped and I don't want to be a woman, I want to be a girl again, a girl who is protected and looked after. I can't handle being a woman. Please take my period away and give me back the girl
Yes it means I am getting better - psychically I am, my body is now 52kgs of pure fat thanks to all the sweets and chocolate I have stuffed my fat face with, no amount of purging can empty me of the calories I have consumed over the last few weeks
Mentally I feel like jumping off a bridge, although there are no bridges as I am in bed so I will lie here and type even though my arm is F*CKING sore

I AM FREAKING THE F OUT

I AM FAT
I AM A WOMAN.
I AM HEALTHY.
I AM LOST