So this week has been a bit of a blur for me.
WORK: I'm now working as a temp consultant and I am so busy but I'm also feeling positive - nothing has gone wrong yet, although i have that feeling of dread and worried that i am missing something huge and everything will fall apart!
I am loving it though - it so busy and i love the fast paced environment
I had a catch up with Maree (my ED lady who i used to see) we had a good chat and she wants to see me once a week for lunch - next week we are going to try and eat some lunch - sushi or something. I'm super nervous cos i hate eating in front of someone who i hardly know. It takes me aaaages to eat and i feel i dunno - just like i CANNOT do it!
We talked about my biggest fear - which is gaining weight and also that I am kinda annoyed at myself cos i have too much control in the fact that, i can hold down my job and keep on my feet and i convince myself that i'm ok. In some ways it would be easier for me to just fall apart - crash and hit rock bottom then i would be forced to change. Now I dont have any reason to change cos I'm not losing out on anything, i am working and playing squash so there can't be anything wrong. She said that my psychologist obv has a lot of work to do!! LOL
I have my appointment with the psychologist tomoro and she is going to weigh me :/
I really dont want that to happen. I have been eating and i feel as though i have gained ALOT of weight and i dont want to be weighed and find out that i am fatter than i think! :(
I have also been referred to a dietician
I feel positive but i am also teriffied of gaining weight and feel fat and horrible and like i need to be thin!!
sorry i havent been online much - i <3 you all
WORK: I'm now working as a temp consultant and I am so busy but I'm also feeling positive - nothing has gone wrong yet, although i have that feeling of dread and worried that i am missing something huge and everything will fall apart!
I am loving it though - it so busy and i love the fast paced environment
I had a catch up with Maree (my ED lady who i used to see) we had a good chat and she wants to see me once a week for lunch - next week we are going to try and eat some lunch - sushi or something. I'm super nervous cos i hate eating in front of someone who i hardly know. It takes me aaaages to eat and i feel i dunno - just like i CANNOT do it!
We talked about my biggest fear - which is gaining weight and also that I am kinda annoyed at myself cos i have too much control in the fact that, i can hold down my job and keep on my feet and i convince myself that i'm ok. In some ways it would be easier for me to just fall apart - crash and hit rock bottom then i would be forced to change. Now I dont have any reason to change cos I'm not losing out on anything, i am working and playing squash so there can't be anything wrong. She said that my psychologist obv has a lot of work to do!! LOL
I have my appointment with the psychologist tomoro and she is going to weigh me :/
I really dont want that to happen. I have been eating and i feel as though i have gained ALOT of weight and i dont want to be weighed and find out that i am fatter than i think! :(
I have also been referred to a dietician
I feel positive but i am also teriffied of gaining weight and feel fat and horrible and like i need to be thin!!
sorry i havent been online much - i <3 you all
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