Too much

dietician, specialist, doctor, psychiatrist, psychologist, team leader .... Feeling overwhelmed and a little scared of moving forward and can feel myself backing out :/ not sure what to do, want to be honest but its really hard!!! Feeling alone and a little lost but trying to be positive and think its all for the best..... Hmmmmmmm

 Its been such a full on week, and i have 2 appointments next week - well 3 including my psychologist one ...
doctors at Greenlane hospital - part of the Auckland eating disorders association, on Tuesday
Dietician on Thursday.

I am teriffied, i am scared of change i am ready to run back to the comfort of my own being, the comfort of knowing there is no one around trying to take this all away from me. Why can't i have it all? Why can't i lose weight and be thin and be happy and healthy too.

My psychologist said to me on Friday that the aim of all these people isnt to make me gain weight its to help me have a healthy relationship with food, is that cos I'm not considered underweight now that i'm 50 kgs?
Well maybe if i lose weight then i will feel worthy of the help!

I feel a little bit lost, a little bit confused, overwhelmed and alone.

I go up and down in a matter of minutes/days/weeks sometimes it just gets too much 

I think i'm going to make a banana cake now