Pro's & Con's

Last night I had the urge to cut, I lay in bed thinking about whether I should or not. I had that little voice telling me I should cos I deserve it. But i kept trying to challenge it.
I ended up turning on my light and making a pro's and con's list...

Pro's of cutting:
* makes me feel better
* It hurts
* I feel as though I deserve it
* Helps to release something

Con's of Cutting:
* It hurts
* It leaves scars - which people will see and question me or think less of me.
* have to wear long sleeves or bracelets
* It will hurt playing squash tomorrow and I won't be able to be the best at my game

Pro's of NOT cutting:
* Less scars, less explaining to do about scars, band aids, bracelets, long sleeves
* Doesn't help in the long run
* No Pain
* I am fighting it - fighting myself and winning


Con's of NOT cutting:
* Go to sleep feeling crap 
* No Pain


So at 11pm last night I sat writing my list - i think the list making itself actually helped. 
And this morning, I am glad I didn't do anything. I still feel the urge to do it, mainly cos I feel so fat and disgusting and I know I have gained weight - I am too scared to step on the scales and find out. I need a day of fasting but I have to play squash, but that's a whole other blog!


Bottom line is - i won for once!