For some reason, i seem to attach myself to certain people i meet.
Its normally when im going through a rough patch and even though i have the professionals i prefer these other normal people.
When i was younger, it was certain teachers at school. - there was a teacher i used to write letters too about how i hated school and hated my life....
then my old maths teacher found out i was self harming when i was about 16....
in London it was a lady i worked with, Harriet- i told her all about my ed and self harming and suicide attempts
and now its another lady i work with Debbie..... she knows most of the stuff
I feel like i need them to help me but i dont kno how or why i feel like i need them so much.
they are normal average people. They have their own lives but for some reason i prefer to talk to them than the professionals and they always help me more than the professionals (i think)
I feel like i need these certain people and i get panicky when i think they arent gonna be around any more.
Like when i left ATG (where Hat used to work) i got upset cos i would never see her again!!
I dunno why i act like this.
And when i first met these people, its like i want them to like me and want them to help me and when they talk to me or txt me i get excited cos they care...
and sometimes i guess i can be too intense, like i suddenly think they dont need to know all this, they dont even know me. Its really weird.
I have a mum but I always want these other people to care about me more than my own mum.......
is this completely abnormal??
What the F is wrong with me?
How do i stop myself, depending on people that hardly know me??
Its normally when im going through a rough patch and even though i have the professionals i prefer these other normal people.
When i was younger, it was certain teachers at school. - there was a teacher i used to write letters too about how i hated school and hated my life....
then my old maths teacher found out i was self harming when i was about 16....
in London it was a lady i worked with, Harriet- i told her all about my ed and self harming and suicide attempts
and now its another lady i work with Debbie..... she knows most of the stuff
I feel like i need them to help me but i dont kno how or why i feel like i need them so much.
they are normal average people. They have their own lives but for some reason i prefer to talk to them than the professionals and they always help me more than the professionals (i think)
I feel like i need these certain people and i get panicky when i think they arent gonna be around any more.
Like when i left ATG (where Hat used to work) i got upset cos i would never see her again!!
I dunno why i act like this.
And when i first met these people, its like i want them to like me and want them to help me and when they talk to me or txt me i get excited cos they care...
and sometimes i guess i can be too intense, like i suddenly think they dont need to know all this, they dont even know me. Its really weird.
I have a mum but I always want these other people to care about me more than my own mum.......
is this completely abnormal??
What the F is wrong with me?
How do i stop myself, depending on people that hardly know me??
1 comment:
Omg I get this. I am the very same with normal people. With a certain teacher who looks out for me, with a leader in guides who looked over me, with a choir leader, with a friend. Even when I was really young these leaders saw me as the 'vulnerable child' and always tried to guide me, and now it feels like with out them I don't know what i'd do
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