So i had my doctors appointment today, we get there and mum asks if she can come in, she would like to hear what the doc has to say, so i say ok.
We go in and talk and the doctor asks how i am... i say "i'm ok- i think"
then she says ok - well to judge how well you are doing answer me this....
"- are you still restricting and counting calories" - YES
"- are you stiill purging?" YES
"- are you overexercsing?" - What exactly do you classify as over exercising?
" - am i self harming?" - not in a while .... "and how long is a while?" - oh about a week!! (thats a while in my head!)
doctor then says "ok so its prety much the same" her and mum talk about how my ed lady Maree is wonderful but she only focuses on the ed, not the big picture - and everything else.
They talk about how the are concerned cos this is just on going and nothing is changing.
my doctor tells me i am very savvy and cunning and i know what to say to different people to stay 1 step ahead (hehe)
she weighs me - notes (outloud) i have lost another kg (I SAY WAHOOOO in my head)
Mum is shocked by my weight cos i kept teling her it was higher than it is!!
doctor asked mum what she notices .... mum replied that i am obsessed with food, and that i know the calorie/fat content of everthing in the cupboard (which i dont, only like 80% of her cupboard but yes 100% of mine)
She said i have all these litle weird food things i do, like watching people cook and shuffling in my seat when i eat - she said "i think amy thinks i dont notice these but everyone does, cos it isnt normal"
WHAT THE F IS NORMAL ANYMORE?????
Doctor says that the next time she sees me - she wants me to have a plan of action, cos i see people and i talk but i dont actually do anything....
hmmmm wonder when my next appointment is......
I dont know what i'm thinking about all of this... there is that piece inside of me that grips on to this hope that i can get better and get on with life. but then as my mum said i have been going through these cycles since i was 11 (I didnt realise this) so is there hope at all???
We go in and talk and the doctor asks how i am... i say "i'm ok- i think"
then she says ok - well to judge how well you are doing answer me this....
"- are you still restricting and counting calories" - YES
"- are you stiill purging?" YES
"- are you overexercsing?" - What exactly do you classify as over exercising?
" - am i self harming?" - not in a while .... "and how long is a while?" - oh about a week!! (thats a while in my head!)
doctor then says "ok so its prety much the same" her and mum talk about how my ed lady Maree is wonderful but she only focuses on the ed, not the big picture - and everything else.
They talk about how the are concerned cos this is just on going and nothing is changing.
my doctor tells me i am very savvy and cunning and i know what to say to different people to stay 1 step ahead (hehe)
she weighs me - notes (outloud) i have lost another kg (I SAY WAHOOOO in my head)
Mum is shocked by my weight cos i kept teling her it was higher than it is!!
doctor asked mum what she notices .... mum replied that i am obsessed with food, and that i know the calorie/fat content of everthing in the cupboard (which i dont, only like 80% of her cupboard but yes 100% of mine)
She said i have all these litle weird food things i do, like watching people cook and shuffling in my seat when i eat - she said "i think amy thinks i dont notice these but everyone does, cos it isnt normal"
WHAT THE F IS NORMAL ANYMORE?????
Doctor says that the next time she sees me - she wants me to have a plan of action, cos i see people and i talk but i dont actually do anything....
hmmmm wonder when my next appointment is......
I dont know what i'm thinking about all of this... there is that piece inside of me that grips on to this hope that i can get better and get on with life. but then as my mum said i have been going through these cycles since i was 11 (I didnt realise this) so is there hope at all???
No comments:
Post a Comment