This morning I had my next appointment with my ed lady maree.....
My mind set these last few days is really bad - not with the eating disorder but with suicide. I feel really scared of myself, i keep hearing this voice telling me that it's my time and that it would be better if i just ended it all now rather than wait for something bad to happen.
I'm hoping that it's just a phase and that it will pass.. and i think the more i tell myself its a phase the more it will become one....
So today at the appointment we talked about panic attacks and how to recognize them and what to do.
We talked about upping my intake from egg whites for breakfast to a piece of toast and egg whites.
which is pretty big for me considering i dont eat bread much at all these days!
we talked about the consequences - including my fainting and even death.
I didnt get a chance to tell her about my self harming on saturday and the voices i was hearing and I wish i did tell her. But 1 hour isn't enough time to get everything out from the past 2 weeks.
I have to see her every week now. Cos she said she is going to help me, since i dont have someone close by who can help me and be there for me as support!!
I'm just tired right now. I'm not sure if I'm tired of this whole eating disorder or if i'm tired of life!!
:'(
My mind set these last few days is really bad - not with the eating disorder but with suicide. I feel really scared of myself, i keep hearing this voice telling me that it's my time and that it would be better if i just ended it all now rather than wait for something bad to happen.
I'm hoping that it's just a phase and that it will pass.. and i think the more i tell myself its a phase the more it will become one....
So today at the appointment we talked about panic attacks and how to recognize them and what to do.
We talked about upping my intake from egg whites for breakfast to a piece of toast and egg whites.
which is pretty big for me considering i dont eat bread much at all these days!
we talked about the consequences - including my fainting and even death.
I didnt get a chance to tell her about my self harming on saturday and the voices i was hearing and I wish i did tell her. But 1 hour isn't enough time to get everything out from the past 2 weeks.
I have to see her every week now. Cos she said she is going to help me, since i dont have someone close by who can help me and be there for me as support!!
I'm just tired right now. I'm not sure if I'm tired of this whole eating disorder or if i'm tired of life!!
:'(
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