Suicidal

Last night was one of the WORST nights ever
Not the actual night, cos i went to a friends party and got very drunk but then started hearing voices telling me that no one liked me and no one wanted me there
I locked myself in the toilet to try and talk myself out of everything and calm myself down. My best friend found me and i ended up having a panic attack in the bathroom
I then decided i should go to bed and couldnt calm down and decided i needed to cut
I need something real - with all the voices in my head i needed something i know makes me feel something
but the only thing i could find in the bathroom were some scissors ( i desperately wanted a knife but everyone was in the kitchen) So i hacked at my arm so badly its still bleeding in 2 places now....
I tried so badly to hurt myself and it wasnt doing anything.
I then went to the bathroom hoping to find any pills to OD or something but couldn't find anything so went back to attacking my arm....

I've had to buy 2 big bandaids to cover my whole arm and i'm not sure how i am going to explain it to everyone :/
I have to play squash tomoro night and wear a t-shirt ... i dont know what to do!!
I wish i was stronger

I have decided i'm not going to drink excessively until i can cope with eating and everything else!!
its not good!

I've not been that suicidal in a long time and i think it was just the alcohol that fueled it!!