Nana Anne is 97.
"she has had a good innings" is the phrase being said a lot lately.
Doctors have said she only has about a week left. Her morphine has been up'ed and her body and mind are giving up. I wonder if she is chosing to die, is she lying in her bed at night thinking "I am ready - take me now"
If so why doesn't that work ..... why is when I go to bed at night not wanting to wake up that I am still here.
I don't want her to die. I want her to get out of bed and chase me around the living room like she used too. I want her to cook me lamb bones and silverbeet. I want her to tell me off for swinging on her fragile clothes line and for her to bring me hot chocolate in the mornings.
I want to play the yes/no game while lying in bed with her. I don't want to get old. I don't want to experience death.
I don't want someone I love so dearly to leave me; yet it is so hard to see her suffering, she is such a strong lady and never complained once, she deserves to be free from pain and rest now.
I am scared of her dying.
Overwhelming emotions are taking my hunger away and keeping me up at night.
When does this end?
"she has had a good innings" is the phrase being said a lot lately.
Doctors have said she only has about a week left. Her morphine has been up'ed and her body and mind are giving up. I wonder if she is chosing to die, is she lying in her bed at night thinking "I am ready - take me now"
If so why doesn't that work ..... why is when I go to bed at night not wanting to wake up that I am still here.
I don't want her to die. I want her to get out of bed and chase me around the living room like she used too. I want her to cook me lamb bones and silverbeet. I want her to tell me off for swinging on her fragile clothes line and for her to bring me hot chocolate in the mornings.
I want to play the yes/no game while lying in bed with her. I don't want to get old. I don't want to experience death.
I don't want someone I love so dearly to leave me; yet it is so hard to see her suffering, she is such a strong lady and never complained once, she deserves to be free from pain and rest now.
I am scared of her dying.
Overwhelming emotions are taking my hunger away and keeping me up at night.
When does this end?
No comments:
Post a Comment