I feel so let down and i haven't even started with my new psychologist - I had a 2pm appointment yesterday which she didnt show up for, apparently she didn't get the message I was waiting.She called me an hour later apologizing and saying she doesn't know how the receptionist DIDN'T tell her and that this never happens (which I dunno if that makes me feel better or worse)
She wants me to go back today (at 4.30pm) but how can I trust her? I feel like she already doesn't like me and want me there (no matter how many times she says sorry) I want to go back to Melodie.
I haven't been doing any of my DBT skills that Melodie taught me. Instead I've been drinking and taking drugs for almost 2 weeks straight. - I haven't had a drink this week though and it's all I am thinking about.
I am numbing, blocking, avoiding all feelings, thoughts and emotions and they all are coming out at the most inappropriate times.
My nana (she is 97) is on her death bed, I went and seen her yesterday and she is so old and fragile and it was the hardest thing to see her just lying in her bed struggling to breathe :( I am so close to her and I don't want her to die. I want her to jump out of bed and chase me around the house like she used, I want her to cook me egg's and soldier's like she used to. I don't want to lose her.
My mum is being a f'ing useless human - AGAIN. she knows about my nana (its not her mum its my dads mum) yes she refuses to come see her with me even though I pleaded with her cos I was so scared about going on my own. I told her I had meeting with new psychologist (Trish her name is) - told her this on Wednesday night (appointment on Thursday) do you think she asked me/txt/email to see how it went? NO. Nothing.
I tried to tell her how things were going with Troy and she changed the subject to her new blinds she was getting.
Why is my mother so selfish?
Feeling overwhelmed with life right now :(
I have these strong urges to self harm, overdose, drink, do drugs, binge, purge,exercise and all of the above.
Last night I spent about 4 hours in A&E for self harming - they didn't stitch me this time - just glued me back together.
I was left sitting in the room on my own for hours with my thoughts and all i want to do is kill myself. But I know I can't. I feel like I am stuck. Being pulled in 2 different directions.
Someone save me from myself
She wants me to go back today (at 4.30pm) but how can I trust her? I feel like she already doesn't like me and want me there (no matter how many times she says sorry) I want to go back to Melodie.
I haven't been doing any of my DBT skills that Melodie taught me. Instead I've been drinking and taking drugs for almost 2 weeks straight. - I haven't had a drink this week though and it's all I am thinking about.
I am numbing, blocking, avoiding all feelings, thoughts and emotions and they all are coming out at the most inappropriate times.
My nana (she is 97) is on her death bed, I went and seen her yesterday and she is so old and fragile and it was the hardest thing to see her just lying in her bed struggling to breathe :( I am so close to her and I don't want her to die. I want her to jump out of bed and chase me around the house like she used, I want her to cook me egg's and soldier's like she used to. I don't want to lose her.
My mum is being a f'ing useless human - AGAIN. she knows about my nana (its not her mum its my dads mum) yes she refuses to come see her with me even though I pleaded with her cos I was so scared about going on my own. I told her I had meeting with new psychologist (Trish her name is) - told her this on Wednesday night (appointment on Thursday) do you think she asked me/txt/email to see how it went? NO. Nothing.
I tried to tell her how things were going with Troy and she changed the subject to her new blinds she was getting.
Why is my mother so selfish?
Feeling overwhelmed with life right now :(
I have these strong urges to self harm, overdose, drink, do drugs, binge, purge,exercise and all of the above.
Last night I spent about 4 hours in A&E for self harming - they didn't stitch me this time - just glued me back together.
I was left sitting in the room on my own for hours with my thoughts and all i want to do is kill myself. But I know I can't. I feel like I am stuck. Being pulled in 2 different directions.
Someone save me from myself
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