This weekend I have had a good weekend. I went out on Friday for after work drinks and got drunk.
Saturday I went to my aunties 60th birthday and again got drunk.
I had fun but I avoided reality.
I pretended that all was fine and happy and ok when inside I am struggling so much.
I have so much going on that I need to deal with (Ryan, hospital appoint, etc etc) It was good that I could go out but at the same time it probably wasn't a good idea cos it's going to bring me down later in the week, i can feel it already.
I just feel so hopeless at the moment. So incapable of pushing through.
I don't know how to fix things and what to do and the more I try and fix it the more it gets messed up but the more I try and avoid it the harder it's getting.
I feel so fat and disgusting - I want to be in control and want to be ok
Why do I constantly feel like there is something missing - what is missing from my existence that keeps me from pushing through and pulls me back to the eating disorder and the self harm?!
Does everyone feel so empty inside?
When will it be enough? When will I be enough?
Saturday I went to my aunties 60th birthday and again got drunk.
I had fun but I avoided reality.I pretended that all was fine and happy and ok when inside I am struggling so much.
I have so much going on that I need to deal with (Ryan, hospital appoint, etc etc) It was good that I could go out but at the same time it probably wasn't a good idea cos it's going to bring me down later in the week, i can feel it already.
I just feel so hopeless at the moment. So incapable of pushing through.
I don't know how to fix things and what to do and the more I try and fix it the more it gets messed up but the more I try and avoid it the harder it's getting.
I feel so fat and disgusting - I want to be in control and want to be ok
Why do I constantly feel like there is something missing - what is missing from my existence that keeps me from pushing through and pulls me back to the eating disorder and the self harm?!
Does everyone feel so empty inside?
When will it be enough? When will I be enough?
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