Suicidal darkness

Friday night. I feel suicidal.
I know it will pass and I just need to sit with it. But it's like a devil on my shoulder trying to convince me to act now before I change my mind.
Overdose on tablets.
Overdose, wrap up warm and go for a walk to the park, so the person who finds you won't be someone you care about, someone who will be stuck with not only memories of you but that image of your dead body.
Take 100 maybe 200 tablets, put your hoodie in, take a blanket and go for a walk.
You know it's what you want to do, deep down you know it will be better for everyone.
Yes people will be sad but they will move on. People will cry and say lies about how wonderful and strong you are but then they will move on and live a happy existence, without you taking up their time and space.

Dark dark thoughts taking up my head.
Why am I here? What am I doing? Is this worth it? Why can't I be normal?