So tonight I went to a friends place for a bbq and this girl said to me that I look like Jade from Britains next top model, which I was kinda like - oh right uh thanks. She then carried on and said "but Jade is anorexic and you're clearly NOT anorexic, oh but you look good of course"
I pretty much went home.
My sis said not to read into it and that i have 2 choices
1. to be sick and not eat for a week
2. to carry on being healthy and not read into it
I would love to carry on eating some food each day and be healthy (which is what i said i would do) but ya know what, I am gonna be the best damn anorexic there is. so next time i see this girl she will look at me and think to herself - i wonder if she has anorexia.
Its not that i want to be sick and unhealthy but i dont want to be that failure, who cant do anything right, I have been anorexic for 2 and 1/2 years now, and yes in the last 4 months I have gained weight - im now 5'7 and 110 lbs, compared to 5'7 and 100lbs... but now i jus want to win this competition and prove to myself i am better than that. if i want to do this, i can.
I want to be perfect and feel perfect and I want to be the best at everything I do... including anorexia.
How bad is that??? It sounds bad but I really dont care. All i care about now is losing weight and looking thin!
Bring it on!!
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2 comments:
I am 5' 7" too. I want to be at 115 pounds. =( I am having a very difficult time getting there it sucks. I see you added me on msn =) Perhaps I will talk to you online sometime <3
yeah i seem to have hit a rut. i eat barley anything but dont lose weight and if i go running i still dont lose weight.
Im sitting on 108 - 110lbs. jus wanna get to 105 to start with then 100lb!!!!
Hopefully speak to you soon! Thanks for commenting
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