I feel as though there is 2 sides to every story and there is 2 sides to me.
There is something inside my head controlling my thoughts and telling me one thing and then confusing me and telling me another.
Yes you should have dinner so you can fight the anorexic part of you, you are stronger than anorexia and you should eat dinner cos you have played squash and done 3 hours of exercise.
No you shouldnt have dinner cos then you will get fat and you are working so hard to lose weight, if you eat now you will only gain weight.
Yes you should have dinner cos you won't gain weight if you just eat a little bit and its all healthy, have some vegies and salmon for protein.
No don't cos you know that even going into the kitchen will end up in you eating more than you had planned.
Yes do eat so you can fight against this and be healthy but still be thin.
Now that I've eaten I feel disgusting and wishing I hadn't done it.
Why do i do this to myself?
*I told you so, i told you this would happen, i tried to warn you and you didnt believe me and now you feel disgusting cos not only did you eat 1/2 a bowl of vegies and salmon, but you ate 6 weight watchers biscuits and you are even more disgusting cos you are craving more sweet stuff. its like you just want to get fatter and fatter and you say you want to be thin, but do you really want to be thin? if you did maybe you would be stronger, you would have more control. Clearly you like being fat!
* I HATE THIS, but enjoy it at the same time?! I like that my brain is occupied with thoughts about food but i hate the feeling of guilt and fatness :/ I like that my brain is occupied and i feel like i know something important and know stuff about food that no one else does (well none of my friends)
I want to be good at something and this is something I feel like i can be good at - and i will be good at ..... one day!
* I want to cut cos i feel full and feeling full makes me feel like I'm a failure. I cant explain why, i cant explain any of this. I just hate that feeling of fullness. I hate that I ate, I hate that I didnt have control and ate the biscuits, i hate that i gave into food so easily. I hate that i am sure i am gaining weight just sitting here now.
Being thin is what makes me feel good, but why dont i ever feel thin? When will i feel thin.
I want to eat and lose weight but i eat and gain weight and look fatter!!
And now the 2 sides just have had enough arguing and I feel exhuasted from all the talk inside my head.
Is this anorexia?
Or is this just normal people's thoughts? cos as my friend said - everyone has phobias and random thoughts about food.
I know anorexia and eating disorders arent about weight but how do you classify it, if no one can see the thoughts inside your head.
***You definitely don't have an eating disorder, you are a pathetic loser who wants to be thin but has no self control so can't diet like any healthy person. You want people to like you and you think being thin will make people like you, well you will never know cos you eat too much to find out what thin is ***
I'm confused. I feel full yet empty, like there is nothing inside my head and body but fattyness of food :'(
There is something inside my head controlling my thoughts and telling me one thing and then confusing me and telling me another.
Yes you should have dinner so you can fight the anorexic part of you, you are stronger than anorexia and you should eat dinner cos you have played squash and done 3 hours of exercise.
No you shouldnt have dinner cos then you will get fat and you are working so hard to lose weight, if you eat now you will only gain weight.
Yes you should have dinner cos you won't gain weight if you just eat a little bit and its all healthy, have some vegies and salmon for protein.
No don't cos you know that even going into the kitchen will end up in you eating more than you had planned.
Yes do eat so you can fight against this and be healthy but still be thin.
Now that I've eaten I feel disgusting and wishing I hadn't done it.
Why do i do this to myself?
*I told you so, i told you this would happen, i tried to warn you and you didnt believe me and now you feel disgusting cos not only did you eat 1/2 a bowl of vegies and salmon, but you ate 6 weight watchers biscuits and you are even more disgusting cos you are craving more sweet stuff. its like you just want to get fatter and fatter and you say you want to be thin, but do you really want to be thin? if you did maybe you would be stronger, you would have more control. Clearly you like being fat!
* I HATE THIS, but enjoy it at the same time?! I like that my brain is occupied with thoughts about food but i hate the feeling of guilt and fatness :/ I like that my brain is occupied and i feel like i know something important and know stuff about food that no one else does (well none of my friends)
I want to be good at something and this is something I feel like i can be good at - and i will be good at ..... one day!
* I want to cut cos i feel full and feeling full makes me feel like I'm a failure. I cant explain why, i cant explain any of this. I just hate that feeling of fullness. I hate that I ate, I hate that I didnt have control and ate the biscuits, i hate that i gave into food so easily. I hate that i am sure i am gaining weight just sitting here now.
Being thin is what makes me feel good, but why dont i ever feel thin? When will i feel thin.
I want to eat and lose weight but i eat and gain weight and look fatter!!
And now the 2 sides just have had enough arguing and I feel exhuasted from all the talk inside my head.
Is this anorexia?
Or is this just normal people's thoughts? cos as my friend said - everyone has phobias and random thoughts about food.
I know anorexia and eating disorders arent about weight but how do you classify it, if no one can see the thoughts inside your head.
***You definitely don't have an eating disorder, you are a pathetic loser who wants to be thin but has no self control so can't diet like any healthy person. You want people to like you and you think being thin will make people like you, well you will never know cos you eat too much to find out what thin is ***
I'm confused. I feel full yet empty, like there is nothing inside my head and body but fattyness of food :'(
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