So today I went for breakfast with my friend Laura
I was so nervous but Laura is good and distracts me and keeps me talking and focused on everything but my food. Normally i hate conversation while eating - well my ed hates it cos then it cant scream loud enough to make me stop eating.
So breakfast consisted of some museli, fruit a little bit of yoghurt and a little bit of soy milk. Maybe 1/2 a cup of museli. it took me twice as long as Laura partly cos i used a tea spoon (fear of big spoons) and partly cos i am slow.
I then had 1/2 a bowl of my seafood risotto that I had made a week or so ago and frozen. I had about 2 handfuls I guess, plus a coffee
The day was super busy - I was constinantly doing something.
Dinner - i almost didnt have anything but convinced myself i could do it, and made myself a homemade burger, i ate almost half of it -
(it had wheatmeal bun light cheese, little bit of avocado, lettuce, tomato and these low cal meat patties (they are super thin) so all about i guess about 250 cals) I got through half of it and started feeling full and then i looked down and could see my stomach expanding. I paniked cos i felt so full and tried to sit down and distract myself.
After about 10 mins I purged, I purged and purged and purged..... i tried to get rid of it all but i couldnt and felt worse.
Then showered and now here I am.
Fat and horrible with disgusting food in my tummy...... weighing me down making me fatter every second.
I want a cup of tea but dont think i deserve one.
I want to cut cos thats what i deserve but know i shouldnt - i have already ruined a good day lets not make it worse!!!! :(
I was so nervous but Laura is good and distracts me and keeps me talking and focused on everything but my food. Normally i hate conversation while eating - well my ed hates it cos then it cant scream loud enough to make me stop eating.
So breakfast consisted of some museli, fruit a little bit of yoghurt and a little bit of soy milk. Maybe 1/2 a cup of museli. it took me twice as long as Laura partly cos i used a tea spoon (fear of big spoons) and partly cos i am slow.
I then had 1/2 a bowl of my seafood risotto that I had made a week or so ago and frozen. I had about 2 handfuls I guess, plus a coffee
The day was super busy - I was constinantly doing something.
Dinner - i almost didnt have anything but convinced myself i could do it, and made myself a homemade burger, i ate almost half of it -
(it had wheatmeal bun
After about 10 mins I purged, I purged and purged and purged..... i tried to get rid of it all but i couldnt and felt worse.
Then showered and now here I am.
Fat and horrible with disgusting food in my tummy...... weighing me down making me fatter every second.
I want a cup of tea but dont think i deserve one.
I want to cut cos thats what i deserve but know i shouldnt - i have already ruined a good day lets not make it worse!!!! :(
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