Its not that I don't see my bones - i mean when i'm in the shower i look down and I can see my hip bones, that's one way i measure if I'm gaining weight or not, especially cos my scales are bastards and lie to me all the time. I rely on undressing and looking down to those 2 little bones at the top of my legs, sometimes it takes me a while to see them, but after a few minutes of looking they are there.
Its like - I see the bones but my eyes are instantly drawn to the pieces of fat all over my body.
Its like I know I'm not morbidly obese - I can feel my ribs under my shirt, i can feel my spine when i lie on the ground but I also know I'm not actually skinny.
I feel like I am pretending to be thin but deep down I'm actually just fat and no body has the heart to look me in the eye and say - "amy you aren't actually skinny, you know you are fat"
So sometimes I look in the mirror desperate to find those bones that remind me I'm not too obese - but sometimes as long as i stare I cannot make those bones appear.
I deserately want to be thin, i want to look in the mirror and think - WOW that person is thin
I hate looking in the mirror and pinching my fat tummy and squatting my fat thighs.
I like the feeling of bone and I think it makes me feel prettier when I run my hand down my torso and count my ribs. taking a deep breathe and holding it in until my head spins.
I sometimes don't know which person is the real me -
is the bone real or is it just an illusion i create to make myself feel better at the time?!
Will i ever look in the mirror and be thin? or will i always hate what i see and long to be prettier & thinner!!??
Its like - I see the bones but my eyes are instantly drawn to the pieces of fat all over my body.
Its like I know I'm not morbidly obese - I can feel my ribs under my shirt, i can feel my spine when i lie on the ground but I also know I'm not actually skinny.
I feel like I am pretending to be thin but deep down I'm actually just fat and no body has the heart to look me in the eye and say - "amy you aren't actually skinny, you know you are fat"
So sometimes I look in the mirror desperate to find those bones that remind me I'm not too obese - but sometimes as long as i stare I cannot make those bones appear.
I deserately want to be thin, i want to look in the mirror and think - WOW that person is thin
I hate looking in the mirror and pinching my fat tummy and squatting my fat thighs.
I like the feeling of bone and I think it makes me feel prettier when I run my hand down my torso and count my ribs. taking a deep breathe and holding it in until my head spins.
I sometimes don't know which person is the real me -
is the bone real or is it just an illusion i create to make myself feel better at the time?!
Will i ever look in the mirror and be thin? or will i always hate what i see and long to be prettier & thinner!!??
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