For the first time in a long time, I have managed to distract myself and not cut and not hurt myself
every time i have drunk alcohol i have wanted to hurt myself and every time i have given in - except for tonight.
tonight when i felt that horrible feeling - and as i sat on the bed with a razor i just sat and stared at it and i told myself that the only reason i feel this is cos i have been drinking and that if i just distract myself for long enough it will pass...
so i went and did the dishes and cleaned up and then realised it had passed, kind of.
I mean i still want to hurt myself cos i have eaten dinner and i havent eaten all day so i am feeling guilty for putting food into my tummy and giving in to food. But i also know i am going to do 3 hours of fitness and squash training tomorrow so hopefully wont gain much weight tonight and can burn it off tomorrow.
But anyway - this was about me fighting the urge and realising that that was all it was - was an urge and knowing i can fight it .....
i feel pretty good for being able to put that razor down and not cut - that is a first for me!!
every time i have drunk alcohol i have wanted to hurt myself and every time i have given in - except for tonight.
tonight when i felt that horrible feeling - and as i sat on the bed with a razor i just sat and stared at it and i told myself that the only reason i feel this is cos i have been drinking and that if i just distract myself for long enough it will pass...
so i went and did the dishes and cleaned up and then realised it had passed, kind of.
I mean i still want to hurt myself cos i have eaten dinner and i havent eaten all day so i am feeling guilty for putting food into my tummy and giving in to food. But i also know i am going to do 3 hours of fitness and squash training tomorrow so hopefully wont gain much weight tonight and can burn it off tomorrow.
But anyway - this was about me fighting the urge and realising that that was all it was - was an urge and knowing i can fight it .....
i feel pretty good for being able to put that razor down and not cut - that is a first for me!!
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