So far today my calorie intake is sitting at 640!! So angry at myself. I've snacked all day today... and feel so disgusting! I've managed to burn about 500 cals! But i don't think i'll be burning any more today. But i'm yet to have dinner!! I would be quite happy to go to bed with no dinner but i really don't think thats possible.
See the thing is, i'm sure Kelly thinks i'm doing really well but i still cry every night in bed and hate myself so much. I would give anything to be skinny. I have put on so much weight in the last few weeks. I'm now 50kgs. I want to be back at at least 47!!
I don't know what to do! I think i need to eat less during the day so i can have dinner. it's just so hard to do that cos i get so hungry at work cos we are learning so much i get so tired!!
I'm such a failure. I don't even know how to tell kelly what i'm feeling. I'm so scared that she thinks i'm doing so well but and in food respect i guess i am doing good. But recovery wise i feel as tho i havent even gotten anywhere! My mind is still as messed up as ever!!
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